If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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