I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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