do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize