Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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