the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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