with your own penis?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
