so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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