At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
