Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
