her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize