pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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