I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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