I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
