I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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