Yo dont text me then not text me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
