I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
