Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
