i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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