This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
