Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
