grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there was a trapeze. enough said
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
