Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
