What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
