this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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