Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
