This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
