STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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