Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
