You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
