You're my little dorito
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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