I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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