Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
