tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
