I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
