she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
