im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
