If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
