nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
