we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize