my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
