ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
