i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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