Define "chronic" masturbator.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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