She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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