TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize