He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
