I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
4 words: hood of his car
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
