I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
