oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
