So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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