I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
