Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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