Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Floor bacon is actually really good
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
