yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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