Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
we should paint friendship bongs
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