he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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