my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
