i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize