Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
