just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
