Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
