I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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