loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
