I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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