two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
