dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
