I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
