why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
