I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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