Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
