So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
