Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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