upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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