Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
