I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
