hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
