New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
