i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
