Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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